Weekly Reviews #3: Metal Madness

This week I look at three metal releases that have come out in the last week or two. Now with pictures!

Immortal – All Shall Fall

The new Immortal album was everything I could have hoped for. After being a huge fan of the last release, Sons of Northern Darkness, I was really looking forward to this album, and I can say it is not disappointing. It continues the more thrash oriented sound from the last album, but feels slightly “dirtier” in parts, more of a black metal aesthetic. That’s not to say the production is bad, because it’s great. Think of it as Sons with a bit more speed and soloing, and there you go. Definitely recommended for fans of the band, as well as anyone who hasn’t given them a shot yet. Now I just have to pray they tour North America.

Baroness – Blue Record

The real reason I’m even reviewing this is because of how much the latest issue of Decibel magazine fellated this album. Not only was it the cover story, they proclaimed that it might be the album of the year, and we’ve still got about two and half months left to go. Simply put, this album is good, but not the second coming of Jesus like it’s portrayed. It doesn’t do anything that bands like Torche or Goes Cube didn’t do this year or the year before. It’s your typical sludgy/stoner rock with some various prog and post metal bits thrown in. Like I said, good, but not the best of the year, I prefer the new Goes Cube to this.

Children of Bodom – Skeletons in the Closet

Last, we have this new release from Finnish metallers Children of Bodom, which consists entirely of covers. I can honestly say I enjoy this album more than most of their original catalogue. I don’t mind a few of their songs, but the albums have been getting increasingly boring the last few years, and this record is a hilarious detour from that road. A quick glance through the names covered on this album make a bit of sense coming from a metal band. Slayer, Iron Maiden, Suicidal Tendencies, Anthrax, the Scorpions. Then we hit names like CCR, Pat Benetar, and even Kenny Rogers for God’s sake! Oh and yes, this also features the infamous Britney Spears cover as well.  Really, it entertains me quite a bit, and if you’re in the mood for a little “Looking Out My Back Door” metal style, then this is the disc for you.

That’s it for this week. Check back later for other entries, and of course more reviews as I consume media so you don’t have to. Hopefully I’ll be able to get Matthew Good’s Vancouver done by then.

- D

And Your Number One Song This Week Is…

I used to have a top ten chart I listened to every week.

In my head.

When I was a kid, I used to have a “chart” in my head of my favourite songs, just like the one I listened to every weekend on the radio. I would lie in bed at night and go through it in my head, like I was counting down the hits just like Casey Kasem. I can even still remember some of the songs that reigned over my countdown, like Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” which was always at number one. I’m not entirely sure why, but maybe much like the real charts, it would be the band’s only foray into the number one spot in the top songs of the day (including mine). It also represented a pattern in my chart which was for some reason very ballad focused. Lonestar’s “Amazed” was up there, and one hit wonder Shawn Mullins’ “Lullabye”. I guess I was kind of a wussy kid.

It wasn’t all heartfelt ballads though. Bands like New Radicals and Fastball had some big chart time as well, along with that fun time when Chumbawumba was cool. I think I had a thing for one hit wonders, or maybe there was just a high ratio of them those days in the late 90’s. Shit went crazy when Smashmouth came out with “All Star” too, and that rocketed up the charts, though never knocking off the ever present Aerosmith from the top spot.

Now you may ask, why the hell am I rambling about this? Well, besides just sharing a weird habit I had as a kid, it’s also kind of an exploration of something that I think I could never have again. Point is, there is a time when I could name my top ten favourite songs. I even had a “favourite” song, which was pretty much set in stone as far as I was concerned. Now, I can’t even name my top ten favourite 80’s hardcore songs. Despite the fact that nowadays I am virtually a musical encyclopedia on most music, I can’t even name my favourite songs any more. I became so over saturated with the stuff that I could never even begin to pick out my “favourite song ever”.

I find this kind of depressing. Yes I still enjoy music, and I might have some favourite songs or albums if you can break down your list into sub-sub-genres. I think though, that I will never have that initial certainty again, over what I know is my favourite thing in the world.

Like I said, there isn’t really a point to this, other than to ruminate on something I no longer can connect with, but I thought it would make for an interesting discussion. Can you name, with absolute certainty, your top ten favourite songs? Did you ever have a weekly countdown of your favourite songs? Did you know I used to think Eric Clapton was black? Plenty of hard pressing questions here, and if you’re nice enough, please respond with a comment.

- D

I used to have a top ten chart I listened to every week.

In my head.

When I was a kid, I used to have a “chart” in my head of my favourite songs, just like the one I listened to every weekend on the radio. I would lie in bed at night and go through it in my head, like I was counting down the hits just like Casey Kasem. I can even still remember some of the songs that reigned over my countdown, like Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” which was always at number one. I’m not entirely sure why, but maybe much like the real charts, it would be the band’s only foray into the number one spot in the top songs of the day (including mine). It also represented a pattern in my chart which was for some reason very ballad focused. Lonestar’s “Amazed” was up there, and one hit wonder Shawn Mullins’ “Lullaby”. I guess I was kind of a wussy kid.

This album was my life.

It wasn’t all heartfelt ballads though. Bands like New Radicals and Fastball had some big chart time as well, along with that fun time when Chumbawumba was cool. I think I had a thing for one hit wonders, or maybe there was just a high ratio of them those days in the late 90’s. Shit went crazy when Smashmouth came out with “All Star” too, and that rocketed up the charts, though never knocking off the ever present Aerosmith from the top spot.

This was beyond cool.

Now you may ask, why the hell am I rambling about this? Well, besides just sharing a weird habit I had as a kid, it’s also kind of an exploration of something that I think I could never have again. Point is, there is a time when I could name my top ten favourite songs. I even had a “favourite” song, which was pretty much set in stone as far as I was concerned. Now, I can’t even name my top ten favourite 80’s hardcore songs. Despite the fact that nowadays I am virtually a musical encyclopedia on most music, I can’t even name my favourite songs any more. I became so over saturated with the stuff that I could never even begin to pick out my “favourite song ever”.

I find this kind of depressing. Yes I still enjoy music, and I might have some favourite songs or albums if you can break down your list into sub-sub-genres. I think though, that I will never have that initial certainty again, over what I know is my favourite thing in the world.

Like I said, there isn’t really a point to this, other than to ruminate on something I no longer can connect with, but I thought it would make for an interesting discussion. Can you name, with absolute certainty, your top ten favourite songs? Did you ever have a weekly countdown of your favourite songs? Did you know I used to think Eric Clapton was black? Plenty of hard pressing questions here, and if you’re nice enough, please respond with a comment.

- D

Weekly Reviews #2: 1 Out 3 Ain’t Bad….

So this week I’m going to give my thoughts on 3 brand new (pun intended) albums that I’ve gotten my hands on. Just a note, these “reviews” are for the tl,dr crowd who just want a quick blurb so they can pretend they’ve heard/seen it and move on with their lives. Enjoy.

Alice In Chains – Black Gives Way to Blue

This is the first AiC album in a long time, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Jerry Cantrell shows that he really is the heart and soul of the band here, and even without singer Layne Staley, they still make some great music with that signature sound we’ve come to expect from the band.  Definitely check this out if you’re a fan of the band. Even the single is good!

Pearl Jam – Backspacer

Backspacer? I barely even know her! Alright, shitty jokes aside…wait, that’s a perfect segue. This album is essentially a shitty joke. Something you want to enjoy, but it’s employed so poorly that all you can manage is to remember better jokes you’ve heard in an attempt to laugh again. I was doing that with this album, thinking back to when Pearl Jam wasn’t the heaping pile of generi-rock this record is. I swear to God I heard some autotune on one of the ballads. T-Pain/Pearl Jam crossover? Only time will tell. I recommend you avoid, and go listen to Ten instead.

Brand New – Daisy

Every Brand New album seems to have its own “sound” so to speak. You can listen to them all, and they sound fairly distinct from each other. They continue this trend with the new album as well. Unfortunately, the distinct sound on this record is crap. When it first started playing, I thought I had gotten some terrible screamo band by mistake. Plus they have a bunch of “ambient” filler bits, which isn’t good when the album itself is fairly short. I think a friend of mine summed it up nicely when he said “It’s kind of like all the bad parts from the other Brand New albums put onto one CD”. It doesn’t get more accurate than that. Extremely disappointed, and if you’re a fan of the band (and not one of the crazy they-can-do-no-wrong fans) chances are you won’t be too impressed either.

Weekly Reviews

This is something I thought I’d try out. I’m going to just do a weekly post (along with other blogs whenever those get made) basically talking about music/movies/whatever I’ve experienced that week, along with my thoughts. I can’t promise they’ll all be brand new things, but I’ll try to keep up on the times…

Megadeth – Endgame

I checked out the new Megadeth album and I have to say it definitely  does not disappoint if you are looking for some excellent thrash Mustaine style. New addition Chris Broderick fits very well into the band, and really holds his own. Some of the lyrics are a little goofy, but hey, it’s Megadeth not Shakespeare. I usually don’t fret too much about thrash lyrics unless they’re abysmally awful, as long as the music is great then I’m set. I’m particularily fond of the instrumental opener, the title track, and the song “Head Crusher”.

3 Inches of Blood – Here Lies Thy Doom

After screamer Jamie Hooper was forced to leave the band due to voice problems, vocalist Cam Pipes was forced to take sole vocal duties for the band, and I can’t be more pleased. This album presents another gradual evolution in the band’s sound, further cementing it as a somewhat convincing tribute of heavy metal days gone by. It’s all a little bit goofy, with song names like “Rock in Hell” and “Snake Fighter” but that’s what I’ve come to expect from these guys. Pretty decent effort better than Fire Up the Blades, but not on par with Advance and Vanquish.

Muse – The Resistance

This one hurt. I was really looking forward to this album, and I was pretty let down. A lot of the songs here don’t really tread much new territory, and feel kind of repetitive and dull. Speaking of dull, the promised “symphony” suite that ends the album is more yawn inducing than awe inspiring. I will stick with the other material, as nothing here really jumped out and got me as excited as previous albums.

Devin Townsend Project – Ki

This has been out awhile now, but I still wanted to mention it, since I listened to it again yesterday. Many people know Dev from his awesome band Strapping Young Lad, but after he disbanded that group, he decided to focus on a new musical direction with his solo work. The first in a string of four albums is Ki, which has elements you’ve come to expect, along with a whole new side of Hevy Devy that is actually quite beautiful. Some of the tracks are incredibly mellow and soothing, and even his interpretation of “Cum on Feel the Noize” actually takes what usually comes off as a cheesy song and makes it sound almost inspiring. It’s truly a great variety of songs and produced extremely well, as Devin often does with his music. Highly recommended, and I look forward to the upcoming albums.

Well, that’s it for now, check in next week to find out what the hell I consumed. I’ll probably listen to the new Brand New album, and hopefully some other newer albums.

Are You an Album or a Single Man?

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always listened to albums. Not just a few songs on a CD, but the whole thing, start to finish. I find that even now, I do much the same, always listening to entire LPs, and not just picking and choosing a few songs and skipping the rest. I think this might go back to my dad, who would play Pink Floyd’s The Wall in the kitchen while preparing supper. Growing up on concept albums could really endear someone to the format.

I’ve never been a “single” guy, buying a CD for one or two songs that are on the radio. Even when I had an album by a quite popular band, I seemed to enjoy the more obscure songs than the ones that got radio play. A good example is Barenaked Ladies’ Stunt, which had big hits with songs like “One Week” and “It’s All Been Done”. My favourites however, were among the other songs, like “In The Car”, or “Told You So”. It wasn’t like I was trying to be unconformist or something, I was just a kid, and besides, how cool would I look if I was bragging about listening to the “good” Barenaked Ladies songs. It’s like boasting about watching the cool Star Trek (this isn’t a shot at BNL, but I’m just trying to say they’re a dorky band).

I think that I feel a certain committment to a band when I buy their album. They wrote 13 songs, not just 3, so I should listen to them all. I can’t justify making a purchase when I am only going to like a small handful of what I’m buying. I guess now with file sharing that problem is easily avoided, but I’ve often felt guilty going through my iTunes and seeing a band with only two or three songs. I even made the decision a few years ago to stop buying any greatest hits compilation or similar CDs, because I think it’s cheating. Am I a real fan of the band’s music, or am I just a casual listener who just wants to hear the “good” songs and then move on.

Now, I’m not saying that listening to singles is a bad thing (though it kind of looks like it in retrospect here) but that I just seem to have a different mindset about music. I feel like I have an obligation to committ fully to it, and I guess I take it more seriously than others. I know plenty of people who don’t really care what they listen to, or just use music as background noise. I find it impossible to do this. I can’t listen to something with indifference, all music invokes some sort of response in me, be it good or negative. Very rarely do I hear something and just go “meh”, and move on (unless it’s a Coldplay song, hahaha….sorry).

I believe that the album may have lost it’s significance a long time ago, the last real time I think it held a lot of prestige was the 1970’s, where you had bands like Led Zeppelin selling millions of albums without having hit singles. During the 80’s, music seemed to become more manufactured, in the way that albums seemed to become groups of songs, and not a cohesive unit. This is where I define what I like about an album. I think that a good, quality album should have all of it’s songs feel like they fit together. They should be similar, but not identical, and flow well in and out of each other. I always ask myself this question, “If you were to rearrange the order of the songs on this album, would it still be as good?”. This is to say, the songs are important in their places, and not just interchangable pieces.

Now we have the iTunes store, where buying just one song is easier than ever, and it seems to be extremely popular. It allows people to get that one song, without buying the whole album. Sure the option is there to buy all of the songs, but more often than not the singles of the day are the most bought items. I guess people don’t have time to sit down and just listen to a record.

So here’s the question, are you an album or a single man (or woman)? Am I just a musical dinosaur living in the past, and the album is a dead format? Am I just a music snob (don’t answer that…) ? Let me know what you prefer to listen to, and why.

- D

Not a Fan #2: Stupid Ad Campaigns

Advertising. The stuff is everywhere, and living in the city, you can’t walk half a block without seeing an ad for something plastered on a bus stand or a telephone pole. We’ve pretty much come to accept being bombarded by advertising all the time, and most people seem to just ignore it and get on with their day. I too, try to ignore as much as I can, but I find it difficult to ignore certains ads that piss me off just by their sheer ridiculousness. Today I’m going to run through some examples of completely stupid ad campaigns, and on a scale of one to ten how much they piss me off.

Culprit #1: Pepsi.

Now, I enjoy Pepsi drinks. I can safely say I prefer Pepsi to Coke, but one of their latest ad campaigns is completely stupid. One day I was walking downtown, when I came face to face with count them FIVE billboards all advertising Pepsi.

Most prominent was a new slogan “Joy It Forward”. What the hell does that even mean? Is it just a cheap corruption of the phrase pay it forward? According to their website, it’s all about spreading joy or some crap. Here’s a quote from the actual site.

I had no idea Pepsi was manufactured with JOY. It must explain why I’m so happy all the time. Also, what the fuck is a “joygle”? If there’s one thing I hate more than simply silly ads, it’s the ads that blatantly make up words and phrases. Say, that’s a perfect segue into my next topic…

Culprit #2: Koodo

God damn Koodo. As soon as I saw the first ads of weirdoes dressed in American Apparel nylons, I knew we were headed to a bad bad place. Little did I know how truly obnoxious the ads for this campaign would get. Every billboard features a freakishly deformed person, and has some sort of invented phrase regarding mobile phone features. Phrases like “bigbillification” or “tabrific” actually piss me off when I read them. It saddens me that I get unhappy at reading a simple billboard, but I find them so annoying I can’t help it. I’m quite fond of the English language, we have a good relationship. It upsets me to see it getting raped like this on countless billboards featuring horribly disfigured people.

Culprit #3: Apple

Alright, this could be kind of up in the air, seeing as a lot of people like this ad campaign. I myself enjoyed the first few commercials. I’m of course referring to the famous “I’m a Mac” commercials with Justin Long and John Hodgman. At first I thought they were slightly funny, cute ads. Then eventually, they just seemed to be slightly dickish, then just basically outright assholish. I mean, I get that most people attack the competition nowadays, but really, Windows isn’t the only operating system out there. Not to mention I’ve never even seen an ad by Microsoft attacking Apple, they just spent their time making bizarre (and strangely hilarious) commercials with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. It almost seems like Apple has inferiority complex.

What competition?

Culprit #4: Geico

Now, Geico seems to have a problem with deciding on what they want to represent their brand in commercials. First there was the gecko, which I get. Gecko/Geico, similar spelling and name, it’s a pun, plus it was a cute animal, what’s not to love? Then we moved to the weirdly dark caveman commercials, which always made me feel kind of uncomfortable. Those poor bastards just couldn’t catch a break. Now all of a sudden we have another new mascot, and this is the one that just boggles my mind with the sheer amount of stupidity it represents.

This makes sense in somebody's mind

The stack of money, with googly eyes. What. The Fuck. What the hell does any of this have to do with insurance? Alright, you’re saving money, but why the hell does it have eyes? And techno music that seemingly eminates from the googly eyed money pile (as seen in the one commercial where someone removes a glass cover from around the money, and the music gets louder). Who was sitting at a table and suggested this thing? How does something like that get approved by a group of executives? It makes me want to buy insurance from someone else out of spite.

Final Verdict:

Pepsi: Though I find this ad annoying and obnoxious, it isn’t as widespread as some of the others. Still, the creation of stupid terms and phrases irks me so it gets a mild 5/10.

Koodo: God damn, I can’t even think about these without getting pissed off. I just threw my alarm clock across the room after writing that last sentence. This ad sets off all of my irritation alarms, with it’s ugly colours, stupid words, and virus like way it has permeated everywhere I go. 9/10

Apple: I barely see these anymore, but I wanted to bitch about it a little bit anyway. I’ll give it a paltry 4/10, mostly because it just annoys me now, but no real raging occurs.

Geico: The amount of frustration these give me is mostly just due to the absurdity of the stupid money pile. The slogan is still fine, even the music is fine, but that dumb ass pile of googly eyed money is just aggravating in it’s ridiculousness. 7/10

Well there you have it, my thoughts on some ads that I probably shouldn’t care this much about. Check back later for more of me complaining about stuff that most normal people wouldn’t.

Blog about a Blog

Hey, just thought I’d take some time to pimp out a new deal I’ve got going called “No Holds Barred” at www.checkingfrombehind.comwhere I will be writing occasionally for them. I’ll be writing all the sports related stuff I think about, and then write about other stuff here. It’s like there’s two of me! You should be so lucky, (sarcasm).

- D

Reqiuem for a Lost Show

I sincerely believe that at every TV channel, someone is employed to follow my viewing habits, and try to kill everything I love. I know this sounds very arrogant, to assume someone would put so much effort in crushing the little enjoyment I get out television, but at times, I often wonder if it isn’t true. Below are a few of my favourite shows, which met an untimely demise that left me depressed.

Arrested Development

Obviously, this would probably be on anyone’s list. The only solace I take in this execution is that at least the show had an ending of sorts, and kind of wrapped itself up. The series went from 22 episodes the first season, to 18 in the second, to a depressing 13 in the final run. I won’t take the “people just didn’t get it route” on this one, because it would probably make me sound like a jackass. The fact that FOX was kissing show creator Mitch Hurwitz’s ass when his new show “Sit Down Shut Up” was coming out lets you know that even they realized in retrospect it had a great show that they decided to can. They even had little vingettes apologizing to AD fans that they had cancelled the show years before. Now, they seem to be on the verge (if not already) cancelled Sit Down Shut Up, which was not extremely amazing, but still had some pretty funny moments.

For me Arrested Development is probably one of the greatest sitcoms ever made. It had an amazing sense of timing, and such depth in its comedy that you can literally watch it over and over again and still be rewarded with new jokes, references, and other goodies. It got flak for having “unlikable” characters, but really, Seinfeld could be seen in the same light. The thing that makes me happy is at least it went out with a bang, squeezing as much funny into the last four episodes as they could.

Here’s David Cross wearing some fake boobs explaining why he thinks the show was killed.

Undergrads

Undergrads was limited to just 13 episodes, and was cancelled due to mixed reviews, and lack of an audience. Since then, show creator Pete Williams has tried many times to get the show back on the air, which while admirable, sometimes reeks of desperation. Eight years after the last episode aired, it doesn’t seem to be coming back any time soon.

The show centered around the lives of four friends, all impressively voiced by Williams (I have a thing for voice actors/acting). They were slightly stereotypical, college students going through life at their new schools, and trying to stay friends despite being in a different environment. The show had many funny moments, and after watching it having gone through my own university, I can say that there is plenty of stuff to relate to in the show. The thing I hated most about the show ending, was the fact that the last episode ends with a massive cliffhanger, which clearly showed they were expecting to do a second season. So they thought.

Here’s Cal, being Cal.

Clone High

This is it. The one show that I wish beyond any others did not end the way it did. Another 13 episode show from MTV (much like Undergrads) which followed the lives of clones, made from famous people throughout history. Seriously, that point alone has almost unlimited possibilities for characters, storylines, etc. Add to that an amazing diabolical principal and his robot sidekick, and you’ve got a recipe for hilarity.

There was some controversy over the depiction of Gandhi as disrespectful, even leading some India residents to fast in order to protest the show. This is most likely not the reason it was cancelled, but it remains a rumour as to why it was. What sucks the most is probably the fact that the last 5 episodes never aired in the U.S, meaning they missed out on some of the best episodes of the series. Perhaps it was for the best, since they didn’t get their hearts broken by the cliffhanger finale that still depresses me to this day.

Why the show failed, I’ll never understand. The voice actors were a great combination of people from Saturday Night Live and Mad TV, and creators Phil Lord and Chris Miller had an amazing concept going. It was also co-produced/created by Bill Lawrence, the guy behind Spin City and Scrubs. It had plenty of celebrity guests, and an awesome soundtrack. It all seems like a guarantee for success, but unfortunately, I guess it never found it’s audience.

Scudworth in all his glory:

Wow this entry is ridiculously rambly and unfocused. All I’m really trying to say here is I hate MTV, and I care way too much about certain television shows. And I get overly sensitive about them. Got any shows you miss, and were axed before their time? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be back soon with some actual funny, so stay tuned.

- D

Not a Fan #1: Vampires

I’ve come to notice that pop culture has become oddly fascinated with vampires lately. They’re in books, movies, even HBO. I’m really baffled by the popularity of these creatures. Why is that you might ask? Well, I believe that vampires are fucking lame that’s why, and I’ll explain why in this ever informative blog.

Vampires are probably one of the wussiest monsters in the history of fiction. What can you you do to hurt a vampire? Stakes, garlic, holy water, sunlight, the list goes on. In fact I found a website that lists TEN different ways to despose of a vampire. Vampires are clearly pussies. I can’t get behind a monster that can get killed over half a dozen ways. Let’s take the werewolf as another example. How do you kill one of those? Silver. The same site mentioned above lists six ways to kill a werewolf, but all of them involve a weapon made of silver, or some mercury. That’s it.

I’m sure someone might say “well, there’s different types of vampires!” or ” doesn’t actually work.”. This is true, there are different vampires. Some sparkle. The key thing they have in common is that they’re all lame.

Now, I understand that not just vampires have become prevalent in pop culture lately. In fact zombies have also taken a huge surge forward in terms of popular monsters. Think about this however, how many people are fans of the actual zombies? Really, the only thing people care about zombies for is to see them get killed/blown up/destroyed. Nobody goes to a zombie movie to see it shuffle around moaning. You go to a zombie movie to see some heads get blown off. With vampires, they’ve gotten this weird romantic stigma attached to them, which is really just creepy. If women were truly attracted to men who spend all day inside and drink weird shit, then a lot of geeks would be getting laid instead of playing D&D.

So what are the advantages to being a vampire? Well, you can fly, which would be pretty cool I guess. You get immortality, but really, who would want to live forever? Have you SEEN the world lately? Imagine having to live through hundreds of years of mankind’s bullshit. I’d be begging for a nice stake through the chest.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m not a fan of the vampires. Nope. It saddens me when I go to the book store, and now they have what looks like a section devoted to vampire novels, and not just that really popular series which I don’t want to mention by name because I don’t like to advertise softcore porn directed at young girls. Stephen King said the author of those books “can’t write a darn” and is “not very good” which unleashed an unholy shitstorm of angry fangirls on youtube, so I don’t want to be the victim of an internet lynching.

Until next time,

- D

Facebook Status: The Douchebag Barometer

Alright, I almost didn’t write a blog about this, but someone actually was curious about what the hell I was talking about, so I decided it’s probably best to get off my chest, and hopefully give you some laughs in the process.

Let’s talk about the internet. Now, I think the internet is a great place. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to be reading my thoughts right now, and I know most people would have terrible lives without my worldly wisdom. Unfortunately, the internet has some bad side effects. It allows people to have the ability to become huge douchbags, without fear of getting socked in the face. (See Perez Hilton)

So then, if the relative anonymity of the net gives one a license to douche, what about the great facebook, where everyone you know can read about your awesome opinions? Yesterday, as you all probably know Michael Jackson passed away. Now, I’m not going to pretend I was best friends with the guy, but I respected the man for having a musical output of great songs, and for making such a massive impact on the music industry.

Here is where the Barometer comes into effect. How many of you thought, upon immediate news of the death, “Ooh, MJ died? Now I can show off my razor sharp wit by posting some funny status update about it here!”. Apparently quite a few. I even saw someone make multiple posts to really hit home how god damn hilarious it was that a man just died.

Now if you’re thinking, “oh come on, why do you care, you didn’t know the guy,” then fine, I didn’t. But please, next time one of your family members dies, please let me know, so I can come roast them at the wake (I’m totally writing a skit about that now). I don’t know your relatives, so I can insult them after death, right? Maybe I’m being excessive, but it says a lot about a person whose first impulse is to make an off colour joke about someone’s demise as soon as they read about it. Are you looking for funny points from your friends? All you get from me is the douchebag stamp of approval.