Not a Fan #3: Christmas Music

December 4, 2009

Before I begin, I just want to say, I like Christmas. I’m not one of those “I hate Christmas” type of person, all concerned with the commercialism. Screw Charlie Brown, presents are awesome. I just feel like putting that into context, so I don’t sound like I’m just your average humbugger.

That being said, I hate Christmas music. I can probably count on one hand the amount of Christmas music I enjoy. The soundtrack for the Peanuts Christmas special, Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy”, and maybe Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker (I’m going to assume most people consider it Christmassy music). After that, I really can’t think of anything else. I can’t stand listening to it, and dread the day of the Santa Claus parade every year, as it seems like that afternoon is the signal for it to be “okay” to play it on the radio.

So, why do I hate it? First, there’s nothing less inspiring than Christmas songs. Every recording feels incredibly shallow, because for the most part, it’s a song that has been recorded dozens of times already. How many times do we have to hear “Jingle Bells”? It’s not like we’re waiting for some new revolutionary recording of one of these holiday staples to blow us way. We expect the same songs repeated ad nauseam, and they are always mediocre. Despite my earlier comments on commercialism, there’s nothing more “manufactured” sounding than Christmas tunes.

On the radio station at home, they used to have a setup for Christmas day in terms of the playlist. Every hour had a “theme”, Elvis songs, rock songs, crooner songs, country songs etc. For an entire 24 hour cycle they were able to have a different theme for each hour and fill it with Christmas music. The fact that this was possible means there is too much of this stuff. And every year we get another half a dozen new Christmas compilations to add to the neverending pile of pointless, uninspired music.

Some people make “original” songs for the holidays, which in a lot of cases are just as lame, but in a new unique way. You ever hear the song “Thistle Hair the Christmas Bear” by Alabama? Jesus that shit is awful. It’s like if the guys that wrote Barney songs were rednecks, got drunk, and decided they should write a song for kids. I’m not sure how original that “Santa Baby” song is, but it creeps the hell out of me. And nothing is as cheery (and fucked up) as John Denver’s “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk on Christmas)”.

Also, too many people use bells to make these songs sound Christmassy. Bells suck.

Fortunately much like egg nog, people seem to think Christmas music is only good around the holiday times. Also much like egg nog, everyone seems to realize how shitty the stuff is once Christmas is over, and we get at least 10 months of non-holiday tunes.

– D

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One Response to “Not a Fan #3: Christmas Music”

  1. Clement Says:

    As someone who just came back from a job with the same 10 christmas songs playing over and over again….

    I SO AGREE.


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